You need your back up dancers
“The most resilient, the most inspirational and the most balanced clients I’ve met over my career are those who have a wicked team of ‘back up dancers’ during their health challenge. It is this unique set of supportive and loving people that make all the difference”
Humans are made for striving towards their chosen desires, aims and dreams. It is what brings a spark in our lives and sets us on new and exciting pathways. However, struggle, set backs, unexpected happenings and challenges are inevitable in life whether it is related to health, death of a loved one, finances or other such challenges. However, we as humans are not made to face life alone. We need to be able to celebrate our successes, happiness and joy as well as ruminate, find compassion and understanding in times of struggle. When you are facing your own challenge. I suggest you task yourself to surround yourself with the support you need and choose to value your relationships.
Your support network could include professionals such as doctors, nurses, specialists, nutritionists, dieticians, physiotherapists, speech and language therapists, naturopaths, acupuncturists and the list could go on and on. It is however your responsibility to seek the support you need, to say no to those that don’t serve you now or ever. It is your choice to choose the people too, not just the professional. You might need an X health professional but you don’t want that particular person you just met who is an X. Keep seeking until you find the right person who is the right health professional fit for you right now.
Now apply this same concept to your friend and family support network. There are going to be some people who will slot right into their role and some that you may need to kindly put down your priority list as they aren’t the right fit for you at this time. That’s okay and that’s expected but please don’t cull your list to zero. Friends and family, your loved ones are the people who can really make a significant difference in how you navigate your health journey. These are the people who you have supported through thick and thin and up and down and roundabout and you can still do so (where appropriate) but it maybe that YOU need the support right now and that is okay! Because you are a unique individual YOUR version of support is unique to you and your needs. The most resilient, the most inspirational and the most balanced clients I’ve met over my career are those who have a wicked team of ‘back up dancers’ during their health challenge. It is this unique set of supportive and loving people that make all the difference. I’ve heard about the key ‘back up dancer’ who behind the scenes arranged a roster for homemade meals to be dropped off for a client with cancer and her family. When a friend was unwell, she knew, and I knew she wasn’t able to clean her room. But she wasn’t comfortable with me doing so unless she gave me an ice-cream for doing so this particular ‘back up dancer’ was cleaning with a sugar high! Thus demonstrating that you can find your own way of getting the things you need done in a way that best works for you including using ice creams as your way of saying thank you. I’ve seen the relief on a client’s face when she knew her lively dog was getting walked most days. What was amazing about this particular story was that it was achieved with a group of complete strangers in her community through the team at ‘support crew’. Many amazing volunteers set aside 30 minutes of their day to walk this client’s family dog. See their website for more information https://www.supportcrew.co/ This service comes highly recommended and can be used to organise the people in a private support network (family, friends) or a public page to enlist volunteers in the community you live in.
Another key aspect to support is that people on your ‘back up dancer roster’ don’t have to complete a task. Sometimes as a society we get very used to DOING things, when actually all many clients want is someone to sit with them and just be a friend. This social support is incredibly useful. A friend whose life holds things outside of a hospital room or outside of a doctor’s office brings a different energy into your life, a different perspective and often a welcomed distraction to your current situation. Have you ever been caught up in the infectious energy of a friend who has exciting news? or has just returned from holiday and is superbly relaxed? Make choices to spend time with people who can bring you positive feelings like joy, happiness and energy as these can enhance your days especially if you are not feeling that well.
A friend of mine during her third pregnancy was adamant that she wouldn’t repeat the mass family gathering that happened straight away following her previous births – that she needed space, time and have family visiting on her terms. Many cancer clients agree with this sentiment. They often mention even though they at times they get a lot out of having friends and family checking in on them, it can at times be overwhelming and socially difficult to manoeuvre a polite way of saying ‘go away’ or I don’t want to speak about my diagnosis right now. I encourage you to brainstorm what you need in your journey now and go about seeking the people to achieve that vision. Once you have finished your brainstorm, you may find it useful to nominate a key friend or family member to be like a team captain. This person is designed to be the coordinator so your friends and family can be assigned roles according to your brainstorm. A useful strategy is to have a ‘real news’ anchor. A trusted family member or friend who can be trusted to disseminate information at your request to key loved ones. This might be the results of an investigation or test, a general ‘I’m doing okay and have the right amount of support right now’ or ‘I need XYZ from the grocery store this week could someone manage that?’. This delegation can be really useful if you have a large extended family or friends network who you would like to keep updated but at key points in your recovery don’t feel like messaging each individually. This will ensure you can streamline your time and your energy into more important priorities in your life and ultimately ensure your support network of ‘back up dancers’ allow you to SHINE on the stage that is life! So, are you ready to start cultivating your team of ‘back up dancers’ today? You know the best stars need the best ‘back up dancers’!