Simply more lovely every year

I have a birthday card that sits on my desk at home that says ‘simply more lovely every year’. I was looking at this recently and found myself reflecting upon several physiotherapy consultations I had recently completed. In these sessions clients were desperately trying to recover from their current injury in order to return to their fitness regimes because they didn’t want to gain weight. I get it, I appreciate the importance of goals, aims and I value health including the importance of exercise which is a huge part of my work as a physiotherapist. However, I also believe that striving due to feeling inadequate, unloved, unworthy and ugly is a form of toxic striving and doesn’t lead to the fulfilment and happiness the individual is actually seeking. I don’t believe people will reach their ultimate aim if they are driven only by ‘away from’ motivations such as ‘I am so fat and ugly’, ‘my butt looks too big’ and the like. There also needs to be an incredibly strong ‘towards’ motivation such as ‘I want to be able to surf’, ‘I want to dance at that wedding’ and the like. It is these motivating, exciting goals plus supportive encouragement that will lead to progress towards and eventually to achieve the goal.

As I pondered this general concept, I recalled a client with back pain specifically asking about the ability to perform gluteal workouts. I was curious about this because I wanted to ensure that I was understanding where she was coming from and was willing to assist if it was possible. So, I replied to her by asking specifically what type of workouts was she wanting to do? And also why did she want to do them? I knew she was already completing a lot of cycling for her lower body and was already doing lots of upper limb workouts so I knew her fitness was being maintained whilst she recovered from her injury. Her answer surprised me. She actually wanted her butt cheeks to ‘lift’. At this stage of my career I’d been a physiotherapist for a long time and thought I’d heard all of the various motivations for exercise, this was a new one and it was a ‘double take’ moment for me. Have you ever read a women’s magazine article and then felt badly about your body? I had one of these moments with this client. I looked at this incredibly fit, gorgeous lady who from my interactions seemed to have a happy family, solid career pathway and enjoyable hobbies and I thought ‘damn if she thinks this, maybe I need to work to lift my butt too’. Previously I would never have thought this about my butt. In the studio that I worked at it when I first started working there, I found it confronting because it is a rectangle shape and the two longest walls have nearly floor to ceiling mirrors along it. Initially I would catch myself realising different things about my body because I simply don’t spend time looking at myself in the mirror and especially don’t walk or do exercise in front of a mirror so I had to train myself to be curious as to what I saw rather than judgemental. Well on this particular day with the ‘lift’ comment, I noticed myself watching myself in the mirror. How interesting, one comment made me reconsider the shape of my butt. I did however continue to have a curious mindset to this concept and rather than getting stuck on the idea I found myself quickly moving on. It was as if I wanted to see what it was like to hold this idea in my mind for a while, however I came to my own conclusion that ultimately I was more interested in how I felt in my body rather than the shapeliness of my butt and I actually felt GREAT, energised, and HAPPY. That was my truth.

This situation reinforced several things for me. Firstly, it highlighted yet again the importance to choose what you believe. You can take on another perspective, try it out and then revert back to your own but if you are doing so, make sure you do so consciously. This means check that you want to try out this perspective and knowingly experiment with it. If you do so unconsciously, you’ll shift the beliefs about yourself by reading those magazine articles or listening to a friend without checking first ‘is this my truth?’ and ‘does this work for me?’. Secondly, be careful what beliefs you put out in the world – do they serve me? And do they serve others? This client was a mother to teenage girls. If she was feeling inadequate in her body, imagine what her girls would feel given they are the ones going through the changes of puberty. They could easily pick up on the ‘lift’ comment and it could be detrimental to their sense of confidence and self-esteem. Ultimately, be aware of what you take in and what you put out in the world. Ensure you are aware of what makes you feel good and what doesn’t. Make conscious decisions to live your very best you and remember you are ‘simply more lovely every year’.